Bikram Yoga, Day 4

Monday morning, 10am class, with new teacher A. I write this as I'm sitting in the car, still in the parking lot, just after class. I feel that post-class euphoria mixed with noodle like exhaustion in all my limbs. Good class. Missed yesterday, unfortunately. My body does not like it when I miss class.

THE SET UP

Teacher A, small girl with a rounded accent. Great energy, attempts at humor in the early minutes of the class fell flat. Guess we were all tired. Monday morning, what can ya say? There was one really cool thing she said today... and I can't recall it. She made a point about all of us being connected, some little anecdote about being in class and watching us all affect each other. She was one of those seasoned, tough teachers. I love it when a teacher makes a point of insisting we stick to savasana, no fidgeting or scratching. I got used to that in NYC, the strict teachers there.

The class was typical Monday morning 10am crowded, which means it wasn't. I was in the middle row, and there was actually no one in front of me, so sparse was the room. Still, it's a big room, and there were about 20-30 people there.

MY PRACTICE

- I started out stiff again, those darned neck muscles. Slowly loosened up a bit. Neck muscles making it difficult to do the initial standing series with the arms up overhead, hands clasped, palms glued together. I used to be able to get my elbows near my ears, and I would try and try so hard to squeeze my hands and arms together overhead. Now I can barely stand to keep my arms up during the series.

- The ab muscles are starting to wake up, and near the end of class as they strengthened, my neck muscles were less stiff, or maybe I was relying on the neck muscles less. Excited to see this development, damnit all.

- Thigh muscles, specifically the quad muscles - forget about. I almost want to start doing squats FOR Bikram practice.

- I hate to be premature about this, but maybe, just maybe, my locust pose is starting to wake up. It is my worst pose, always has been, worse than standing head to knee. Do I just have no butt muscles? No back muscles to speak of? I don't quite get the instructions of using your hands pressed on the floor. The last yoga teacher I asked about it told me that most people cheat, and kick up to get their legs that high, defying gravity. Of course, she was not a Bikram-trained yoa teacher.

- The room started out cooler than usual. I was also in a new spot, by the windows rather than near the door (less crowd and potential harassment). I was actually disappointed in the cooler temp, but it grew hot eventually.

- Some of my poses were weaker than the last class - the standing bow and the, er, regular bow (I sense a pattern). I have had nothing to eat today so far, so maybe that is it.

- Before class I had two electrolyte packets, and water, and that's it. My mind was racing as I drove to the studio, and it put me in an odd mood. As I was lying in savasana before class, I actually experienced a moment of boredom. Boredom! What's up with that? That's how distracted I was.

- And on that same note, I realized that my mind is really all over the place during class. Not enough to get my attention away from the poses or teacher's stream of instructions, but odd thoughts will come up, strange memories especially, my mind always going to the past. Savasanas are moments when I leave the room, floating along a stream of consciousness, when in fact I should be staying in the room, focusing on where I am at the moment. For being such a health/body/spiritually focused kind of girl, I'm amazed it took me this long to notice my distraction.

LATER IN THE EVENING

I feel like I've been so into this Bikram practice, and it's only been four days. Well, six days, four classes. Not even a week, and I'm prancing around like I'm some yoga guru, my life is so changed - pathetic. I'm trying to be cautious, and not considering myself anything until I've done this for at least a month regularly.

What is nice about doing Bikram yoga first thing in the morning, is how nice it is to focus on something other than the computer, email or the internet. I used to check my business online multiple times a day, and now it takes me about an hour after I get home from yoga (about noon) before I REMEMBER to check it. I would like that simple life, yoga and my work. Can't I just simplify everything down to those two things?

I hate to jinx myself, but there is not much in the way of distractions this week, nothing too demanding on the schedule, so I'm going to try to make it every day to Bikram class. Already after four classes, I do see a bit of difference physically, as I feel slimmer, more upright, better posture. I've lost one pound - hurray! I notice I still habitually stretch and move and try to crack various joints, then I stop myself because there is no need for it. What other exciting developments are going to take place? I am expecting - nothing. No visions of toned physique, dramatic weight loss, melting of cellulite and extraneous flesh. Just get to the studio, get on the mat.

Bikram Yoga, Day 3

Third Bikram class in four days, skipped yesterday though my body really did not like that.

Teacher was M subbing from out of state. 10am class on a Saturday, full and crowded, as expected. The place is like Grand Central station, people in and out all day long.

Teacher

- Even toned voice, so even that sometime the class missed the cue to go.

- Humorous, elder guy with glasses and no six pack abs

- Great tip: during Bow Pose, keep the arms relaxed as you kick hard with the legs. That really made a difference, as I felt myself go higher, and suddenly my lower back muscles were working. Awesome.

My Practice

- Weak! I am so weak! Those first few standing postures sucked, my thighs are like mush. I remember a time when I could do those poses with ease. My thighs were strong, I had muscle once... once...

- Ab muscles are very weak too, and as I suspect, are the reason for my neck muscles being so stiff, since I try to do everything with my neck and shoulders instead of it coming from my abs and core.

- Didn't mind the heat at all, even with the crowded room. I wonder when that happened. The heat used to be absolutely unbearable, but at this studio I have no problem with it.

- Made it through the entire class without sitting out, brownie point for me.

- Am sweating buckets. It's interesting to look at my forearm while doings forward bends and to see it covered in sweat, large beads of sweat rolling down.

- Today was not about strength, not even stretching, just about tolerance for the class, endurance.

Thoughts

- Witnessed lots of frustration today, including my own towards people. Must remember that is the lesson

- Teacher said, Bikram is not about the heat, it's about the yoga

- I say, in my future teaching classes, don't ignore the heat - embrace the heat, acknowledge the heat. Its hot! But it does not matter. Don't ignore the sweat, acknowledge the sweat! But tell yourself it does not matter. It is not about crowds, or space in the mirror, or perfect heating conditions, its about the yoga. Being here now, being one.

LATER AT HOME, about two hours after class

Weighed myself for the first time since starting this Bikram yoga journey. Lord almighty. And this was AFTER a Bikram class! Well cannot say I am surprised, it merely confirms reality. Looking forward to losing that weight as I continue my undisciplined journey in Bikram. Reading a lot of the teacher training blogs helps me to get a new perspective on the classes. It's like in marital arts training, where you aim not at the board, but past the board. Reading the blogs puts my focus not on the upcoming class, but on the future where one day I might be there attending teacher training. That idea really makes the upcoming class a cinch, like nothing at all. One baby step in a huge long term journey.

As for effects, my skin looks amazing, the typical flushed out, fresh and pure post-Birkam complexion. I am tired (about to take a nap now) but I feel loose. My neck is impossibly tight, still a mystery to me. I am starting to feel like I am wet all of the time. From class, from showers. And with it raining, now, too, nothing but wet.

"Get in the car, drive to the studio, unfurl your mat, and just lie down."

Recited that to myself as I was lying there before class started, as everyone else was pouring in around me. And I giggled at the idea that I really don't have to do anything else. I absolutely gave myself permission to lie there on the floor for the entire class. That would be okay. That would be fine! That made me grin. Can you imagine??? But of course, knowing myself, I don't just lie there. I don't. I let the class sweep me along into postures, into movement, into poses, constrictions and contractions. All I have to do is get there. Rest takes care of itself.

Bikram class, Day 2*

"Get in the car, drive to the studio, unfurl your mat, and just lie down."

Class two, day two, in a row! Left the little meet up with some friends and really the timing was perfect. Left the cafe, hopped on the freeway and I was there in about ten minutes, maybe less. Forgot about the convenience of freeways.

Pulled in, found a spot up front this time. A woman who was getting into the car parked next to me, leaving, said out of the blue "I'm dying!" and explained that it was her first class. Hopefully my smile and response were encouraging. I went in, signed in, unfurled my mat (just as I was supposed to) then headed into the locker room to change. Sweaty people from the previous class wandering about like the living dead. I change, thankful I had a hairband, and go into the sweaty, hot humid cave. Appropriate sports bra this time, so I could go shirt off if I wanted to (the tank stayed on for the first posture, no maybe not even that - how can people stand the heat with so much clothing on?). I was basically in the same spot as before, as yesterday. Same teacher too. Lots of men, again, young men, not the typical guys I usually see. They look so ... normal ... for a yoga class. So strange. Wonder if it's a football team or something going there.

The class, MY class, was interesting. Compared to yesterday I was much better, stayed up and involved for all the postures. Except for maybe a couple moments of dizziness, but I ignored those and continued on. The backward bending is getting easier, though I still feel a lot of stiffness in my neck. I think I have been using my diaphragm wrong, keeping it tight on the inhale, which leads me to use my shoulders to breathe (to expand the lungs - if they can't expand down, the shoulder try to move up to compensate), which leads to neck pain and stiffness. I found this out towards the end of class. So I tried to relax my shoulders more, and constrict my diaphragm down. So odd that I can't even breathe right!

Another observation is how flabby I have become. But to me its all temporary. Ha, what self esteem I have! But yeah, definitely bigger than before, so much so that want to take a picture of it so I can have a before and after shot. My shorts are tighter, the ones I bought at Lulu Lemon in NYC a couple of years ago, the ones that were loose - back then. They are now almost fitted around the thighs, which they are not supposed to be. Interesting. Then when I am doing the Awkward pose, I can no long get my legs wrapped around each other from the flesh that is in the way. Amazing, I tell you. I should be more ashamed or embarrassed or something, but instead I am more amused. It is temporary, it is not me, I am not worried. And see? Now it is going away.

My body definitely was less tight, though I still felt tight. Greater ability to do the poses, and not the overwhelming threat of fainting or dizziness. It is more a comfort now, these familiarity of these poses, the flow of the class. It almost goes by fast. My stomach and especially my Ren meridian (which runs from my chin down the center of my front to the bottom nether regions) definitely needs work. And I think there is an emotional aspect at play here, too. That is why my liver is so out of whack. I need to cry, some kind of emotional block. Instead I feel just a dull ache, a discomfort, like it's swollen.

The heat was nice, all encompassing, comforting, but not unbearable at all, as lovely as the little breaks of cool air that waft in occasionally. I again did not try as hard. My attitude was, I got my job done - drove here and got my mat unrolled, on the floor, and the rest is optional. Oh, but here I am in this room, might as well do the poses.

I look forward to the next class, possibly tomorrow morning. Yes, already.

*this post written January 27

Restarting the blog

My last (and first) entry from 2007. It is now January 2011, only 3 and a half years to revisit one's health. Though funny enough, the question still stands, and I restart this blog, because the question needs an answer. And the answer is in a 20-class pass for $20, good for 60 days, to a nearby Bikram yoga studio.

My first Bikram class was about 10 years ago in NYC, and I loved it, praised it to the heavens, claimed it cured me of all sorts of diseases and illnesses. I swore that being a Bikram yoga teacher was definitely in my future. Despite all that, I went to class about once or twice a year, and the rest of the year I would think about going, plan on going, check out studios and class schedules, various teachers, discounts and passes. Then I would finally attend a class, and made it a Big Deal, come home sweaty and limp with exhaustion, swearing that I am going the next day, which stretched to next week, then next month, etc. Start and stop - my typical fitness regime.

So what is different now? Life is a little different. Different city, different coast, different age, different job and living situation. I have the time now to focus on something I love, so I go back to the old standby, Bikram yoga.

Bikram yoga, Day 1 (again)*

The set up

Motivated by an article I read before going to bed last night, I made yet another attempt to start a regular yoga practice, with the idea being, "Just do it" - like, quit making excuses and just do it.

I used the voucher for Bikram yoga I got back last March. This particular studio holds classes all day, so I opted for one about midmorning, assuming it would be not as crowded as others. I heard mixed reviews about the studio, particularly complaining about the smell. Being a Bikram vet of sorts, I have come to expect a certain amount of ... environment from a hot yoga studio. It sort of comes with the territory. But who really wants to get naked and spend 90 minutes in a fetid humid sweat box that smells? So I was a little apprehensive, but I had my motivational motto, and repeated it to myself:

"Get in the car, drive to the studio, unfurl your mat, and lie down."

The motto helped, for it got me there, in time for the 10am class. Pathetic to say, it's not as easy as it sounds. The Monkey Mind, mental monsters, whatever you want to call them, have a hell of a way of tripping me up when I'm not watching.

The studio

The studio was a bit hard to find, as I was used to studios with large & flashy, or at least noticeable, signage. This was in the back of a business park, and really not that obvious. But once there, parking was ample (unlike my last attempt at doing a Bikram class, where the parking was full and so frustrating I ended up leaving, when I could have used the yoga class the most!). I walk in, and am greeted warmly by the receptionist - good so far. The lobby was huge, and I appreciated the thought put into the dressing room locations, with the men's and women's quite separated from one another. Since the doors to the somewhat small women's dressing rooms are merely curtains, its nice to know that I don't have to worry about staying far away from the door, especially maneuvering between classes, with zombie-like, sweaty yogis stumbling in and out of the area. Two showers, plenty of cubby holes for my stuff, but the usual lacking in benches for changing. Many people were wearing flip flops, made me wonder exactly how nasty the floors get. Are they just paranoid, or is there something to be concerned about?

The yoga room itself - plenty big. Two of the walls were mirrored, a nice touch. One wall was solid, and the remaining wall was all windows, but facing a rock wall, so you get a sense of being outdoors and natural lighting without sacrificing privacy. Again, very nice touch for whomever laid the studio out. The floors were apparently new, apparently in response to the many complaints about the smell. It is some kind of new carpeting, that looks like carpet but is made for many people sweating on it throughout the day. I know because there were signs posted all over the studio bragging about this new sweat-resistant carpet.

And as for the smell? Not an issue. This being the third class of the day, in a row, I was not at all disgusted by the room. The heat was moderate, just enough, and the smell was absent. Good update for those other reviewers.

The teacher was adequate enough, not personal at all, called no one by name, and barely deviated from the standard Bikram script. But otherwise, she seemed friendly enough, just sort of gym aerobics instructor like. She is tolerable, though I would want some variety and I would not be happy having only her as my teacher.

My actual class

Of all the years I have taken Bikram, and of all the classes I have taken, and of all the starts and stops I have made, I was still surprised that this could be the worst class I have ever had. I knew I came in really stiff, flabby from the holidays, and no exercise hardly at all since leaving my on-the-feet-all-day job two months ago. But my god! I was so incredibly stiff from the get go. I made it a point for this class to not try so hard, just to make it through the class. But still, i was stiff, inflexible, and weak. Oh so weak. I can hardly believe i was so out of shape. I made it through all the postures until the warrior. I sat that one out. Got up and did the swan dive one, then sat out the next, the triangle pose. As I was sitting (SITTING, mind you, not standing), I was getting more and more dizzy and faint. My hearing started to muffle up, my arms were tingling all the way down to my finger tips. I had to keep telling myself that it was going to be fine, because I thought I was not. What could I do? I probably could not even stand up to get out of the room. I was impressed that I did not faint.

Eventually the dizziness subsided, as I sat out the remaining standing postures. After that, the practice was fine. With most of it on the floor anyway. And I felt stronger after that. Odd.

It is so interesting to me to see how much my body changes, especially in weakness. I stand back and laugh at myself. No hiding in Bikram. So I plan to go tomorrow, just do it. Just get myself up, out of the house, into the car and go. Tomorrow should be interesting also.

* post was written on January 26