Bikram class, Day 2*

"Get in the car, drive to the studio, unfurl your mat, and just lie down."

Class two, day two, in a row! Left the little meet up with some friends and really the timing was perfect. Left the cafe, hopped on the freeway and I was there in about ten minutes, maybe less. Forgot about the convenience of freeways.

Pulled in, found a spot up front this time. A woman who was getting into the car parked next to me, leaving, said out of the blue "I'm dying!" and explained that it was her first class. Hopefully my smile and response were encouraging. I went in, signed in, unfurled my mat (just as I was supposed to) then headed into the locker room to change. Sweaty people from the previous class wandering about like the living dead. I change, thankful I had a hairband, and go into the sweaty, hot humid cave. Appropriate sports bra this time, so I could go shirt off if I wanted to (the tank stayed on for the first posture, no maybe not even that - how can people stand the heat with so much clothing on?). I was basically in the same spot as before, as yesterday. Same teacher too. Lots of men, again, young men, not the typical guys I usually see. They look so ... normal ... for a yoga class. So strange. Wonder if it's a football team or something going there.

The class, MY class, was interesting. Compared to yesterday I was much better, stayed up and involved for all the postures. Except for maybe a couple moments of dizziness, but I ignored those and continued on. The backward bending is getting easier, though I still feel a lot of stiffness in my neck. I think I have been using my diaphragm wrong, keeping it tight on the inhale, which leads me to use my shoulders to breathe (to expand the lungs - if they can't expand down, the shoulder try to move up to compensate), which leads to neck pain and stiffness. I found this out towards the end of class. So I tried to relax my shoulders more, and constrict my diaphragm down. So odd that I can't even breathe right!

Another observation is how flabby I have become. But to me its all temporary. Ha, what self esteem I have! But yeah, definitely bigger than before, so much so that want to take a picture of it so I can have a before and after shot. My shorts are tighter, the ones I bought at Lulu Lemon in NYC a couple of years ago, the ones that were loose - back then. They are now almost fitted around the thighs, which they are not supposed to be. Interesting. Then when I am doing the Awkward pose, I can no long get my legs wrapped around each other from the flesh that is in the way. Amazing, I tell you. I should be more ashamed or embarrassed or something, but instead I am more amused. It is temporary, it is not me, I am not worried. And see? Now it is going away.

My body definitely was less tight, though I still felt tight. Greater ability to do the poses, and not the overwhelming threat of fainting or dizziness. It is more a comfort now, these familiarity of these poses, the flow of the class. It almost goes by fast. My stomach and especially my Ren meridian (which runs from my chin down the center of my front to the bottom nether regions) definitely needs work. And I think there is an emotional aspect at play here, too. That is why my liver is so out of whack. I need to cry, some kind of emotional block. Instead I feel just a dull ache, a discomfort, like it's swollen.

The heat was nice, all encompassing, comforting, but not unbearable at all, as lovely as the little breaks of cool air that waft in occasionally. I again did not try as hard. My attitude was, I got my job done - drove here and got my mat unrolled, on the floor, and the rest is optional. Oh, but here I am in this room, might as well do the poses.

I look forward to the next class, possibly tomorrow morning. Yes, already.

*this post written January 27